Just recently, I had been on the debate on whether to send an invitation to my estranged dad or not. Trevis has been more than supportive on this, especially since he underwent a similar situation and knows exactly how I’m hurting from this; despite what he went through, he still is keeping positive and confronted his feelings. As Trev says, “it doesn’t hurt to try, right? At least if you try to reach out, you’ll know whether he still remembers you or not. And if he doesn’t realize how beautiful of a girl you have grown to be, he doesn’t deserve your tears.” And so, I sent the invitation off to him, in which my mom doesn’t even know about it. I actually did not expect a response at all, but instead, I received a letter, and so fast. I was definitely nervous about reading its contents, since I have not spoken to my dad in over a decade.
(translated from Vietnamese)
I have received your pictures that you sent. You have grown so beautifully, even more than I would have ever expected. If I was to see you in passing in public, I probably wouldn’t have been able to recognize you because you have grown up so much and more beautiful as time goes by. Are you well?
As for me, I recently just got out of prison, and I have been shrimping for the past several months. Since shrimping season is over right now, I have been at home waiting for May to come. When May comes, I will back shrimping on the boat. Dad wishes you the best on your journey, wherever you are going.
This letter has me at tears, because despite my telling people how much I don’t need my dad, I feel that I do, and despite what he has done, I still love him. All these years of hurting because I didn’t know whether my dad loved me or not, all those times I wished he would just reach out to me in some way, and it’s finally here. This affects me so much more than it does to my brothers, probably because growing up, I was always “daddy’s girl”. . I’m still crying as I type this, because no one knows how important this is to me, aside from Trevis and my closest circle. And to know that he seems to be proud of me is more than enough.
One day soon, I’ll brave a visit to see him, one day. I really do miss my dad, and despite everything, I still want to be back to being “daddy’s little girl”. I’m not sure how my mom is going to feel about this, and that’s what is really making me feel on the edge..
It has been a while since I have actually written a real blog post. I have been extremely busy with school, work, and life.
I have finally quit the Massage Envy franchise, and that was one of the best decisions I have ever made for my health. That place was burning me out completely, to where I was constantly falling asleep. I actually fell asleep behind the wheel, and that was the final straw. Luckily, out of that ordeal, I finally had to say goodbye to the civic that I had loved dearly in turn for a new car, for a new beginning. The civic was probably one of my last things of my past memories, and as much as I loved that car, I am a bit glad to see it go.
My latest festivals and trips have have nothing short of amazing. Because of TomorrowWorld, I have expanded my festival friend network, and have found people who love the rave culture as much as I do. It’s like our own little society, to where we don’t need to know names; all we need to see is that bracelet, and there is that instant connection. Visiting Mike, Mechell, and finally seeing my baby niece Monica again was refreshing. I’ve missed my babygirl. DC was absolutely fun, I definitely need to come back to sightsee some more, and visit with my TW friends there. Denver, I’d love to visit again, and this time, I’ll spend some time learning to snowboard.
This is my last semester of my undergrad. Sadly, PT school is too competitive to get in; it’s even more difficult to get into PT school than it is to get into Med school, it seems. The program is just so competitive. However, through my hospital internship with cardiac rehabilitation, I have found that I also love this. Helping people, that’s what my goal is. It doesn’t matter the title. I will, however, will be continuing my education onto a Master’s in Exercise Physiology again at South Alabama. My mom doesn’t want me to move, and now that a special someone is becoming a part of my life, I’m not sure if I want to yet. Alabama is growing on me, despite my lack of knowledge of the city. Who knows what’s happening yet. All my plans to move away this year is dumped to the gutter. I’ll be staying for at least another year, and if I get a job at the hospital, I’ll be here for good.
My three festivals this year are Ultra, EDCLV & TomorrowWorld. I have missed Ultra & TomorrowWorld, and I cannot wait to be back! EDCLV, I had always wanted to attend this, and now I will be making this come true. Not to mention, I’ll be spending it with some of the most amazing people a girl can ask for. It’s funny how I can relate to and count on so much to my rave family all over this country so much more than the people who are within hours of reach.
Through the TomorrowWorld group, I met an amazing guy, one that meets most of the standards I’ve set for a guy for him to be my boyfriend material. Despite how much the world may shit on him, his positivity is unchanged. Also, he has a steady job, because the last thing I need is a guy who cannot afford to do things with me. I love my fun, food, date, and trips. Also, he loves the music and festival scene. Lately, for the last couple guys I have dated, that was the dealbreaker. And here is one, who is attending every festival that I am attending this year, and I cannot ask for anything better than this. I love how he puts others before himself, as well as my safety and happiness. Always making sure I’m either laughing or smiling, his goofy but amazing personality is addicting. I’ve never fallen for someone this fast, but then again, he treats me the way I want to be treated: kisses in my hair, always reassuring me with his touch, and keeping up with my high libido. Not to mention, I love the feel of his Porsche. You can’t blame a girl. His artistic tattoos are something to look at. Once he gains back the weight he lost while his collarbone was broken, I don’t how I can’t keep my hand off him.
2013 has been amazing for me, and 2014 is looking even more bright. Let’s keep this good love going, life. I’m not complaining.